Accurate. My mother is a clinical level abusive grade A sick narcissist. She emotionally, psychologically, and financially abused her kids for decades. Of course, I didn't realize exactly what she was until I had gone no-contact and had time to process the domestic abuse I had endured without her constant insistence we normalize the dysfunction (aka put up with her bullshit and games and keep our mouths shut) and pretend everything was fine even though she WAS abusing us.

She regularly deployed guilt-trips, playing on our empathy and good nature; gaslighting; smear campaigns; pitting kids against one another with comparisons, favoritism (golden children vs. the scapegoat), and misinformation; creating taxing messes and drama; easily lied about things like having a serious illness and sponging off the goodwill of people to supplement her lifestyle, or she'd intentionally hide important mail/bills. She'd discredit and alienate anyone who she perceived as crossing her or not gleefully drinking her toxic Kool-aid. Games like that, which got old really quick. And when asked WHY she'd do these things, she'd feign being flaky or behave like a child and have a crocodile-tear fueled tantrum or stonewall and punish her victims further with her indifference to the injustice she caused.

I always knew something was wrong, it was just hard to pinpoint exactly what it was. Once you get out, the fog lifts and you start to see the unfortunate patterns and games. Plus, no one wants to think their own parent is capable of intentionally harming them for their own gain.

She did all of this without her feeling an ounce of guilt, sympathy, shame, or love. As with all narcs, she refused to take any responsibility for HER role in any of it. When faced with proof she outright denied, lied, or discredited - mostly using her bouncer golden child son as a buffer to protect her from her victims. He is her most devout follower to this day. It is sad and sick how brainwashed he still is. Like she's groomed him to almost be her ideal mate for as inappropriate as their relationship is. He is abusive to anyone who might question mommy dearest without remorse or question.

If you ask various friends and family what they think of her, you will get polarized responses. It depends on whether or not you are a victim or one of the special few who are still entrenched in her supposedly loving circle. Though, as she gets older and sicker, this circle is getting smaller and smaller. She's not nearly as sharp as she used to be and her skills of manipulation and coverup are weakening. You can't lie and use up people as much as she does and hope to keep up the facade of sweet old lady forever.

Narcissists are morally ill and incapable of being truly healthy loving parents or partners, in my opinion. This is coming from someone who has been been a victim of it for over 30+ years (between my mother AND my ex-husband). Also, I am disappointed more people don't get that some parents are capable of being monsters. Those who grew up in healthy, happy households almost refuse to believe it. They'll almost accuse you of doing something to provoke the abuse you endured OR suggest you might be overreacting. Look, not everyone is raised the same. In my case, my mother is not your mother. She is negligent and abusive. Nothing I can do as her child will ever change that, nor is it the onus to do so my responsibility. When someone tells you they have been abused by a loved one, instead of victim-shaming them (projecting your healthy childhood or relationship onto that person) LISTEN and try to be supportive. Abusers are bolstered by misinformation and silence. Not believing and supporting the victims simply promotes the abuser's agenda.

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Technophobe Who Codes | UX Generalist | Freelance Writer | Egalitarian-Feminist | True-Crime/Forensics Enthusiast

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