Accurate. Our narc mother seemed to gain some pleasure in pitting my siblings and I against one another. To this day, none of us have anything to do with the other because of her games and bullshit.
Tiny disagreements or normal sibling slights would escalate out of nowhere. We rarely were able to confide anything in one another as she would turn each of us again another with gaslighting, manipulation, and making sure she controlled the narratives of many conversations.
Things like, “Oh I’ll let [insert name of sibling] know about [the agreed-upon plans]” only to later receive a skewed version or she’d intentionally ‘forgotten’ to mention an important date. This is the same person who HID my jury duty notice while smugly mentioning how she managed to get out of her own.
Or, “Don’t tell [insert name] about [a possible problem].” She played it off as protecting everyone from getting upset when she was really making sure the situation escalated to something far more expensive and difficult to resolve. Not something she was responsible for of course. She had long since foisted that on me, the surrogate parent (later scapegoat). She loved to set up situations where I would be blindsided by costly or stressful situations. Often this was a call from the bank, the IRS, a disgruntled neighbor, a pissed off friend or family member she button-pushed into a rage with smear campaigns and lies. Anything to tax my patience and energy, pulling focus away from anything I found important.
For example, her version of inviting me to my brother’s wedding was to tell me I would be paying for the liquor. Um, what? “I already told [family friend hosting the event in her home], you’d be supplying alcohol for the party (omitting she did this a while ago, and the wedding is in less than a month).” So I had to call the family friend and clear up the miscommunication. “I don’t know what my mother told you, but I can’t afford to pay for the liquor for the event.” Before this, she hadn’t spoken to me once about it. My golden child brother, was rightly pissed, but at me for being a cheapskate. Wow. Really? Somehow, anything and everything that went wrong, whether I had a hand in it or not, was my fault.
Six months after said wedding, my brother and I got into an argument about something unrelated. During which, he mentioned how I made a scene at his wedding. Now, he hadn’t seen it, and no one else seems to directly witness it. No such meltdown had occurred, and yet somehow a story started to circulate about how I had a sobbing pity party at my brother’s wedding because I had been divorced. Um, no. We can thank mom for spinning that bullshit too. Not long after that, I took steps to excise myself from their lives. I was no longer interested in wasting my time untangling lies and playing her games, while also paying her bills. Yeah, she was also financially abusing each of us in her own way. Once I cut the living wallet, everyone was suddenly no longer interested in having a relationship with the monster who cut off her (abusive) mother. Even though my mother had faked an illness for 2 decades and had conned people out of money doing it. But somehow, I’m the monster. Whatevs.