Flying Monkeys. I spent years trying to explain, to unspin the lies told to those same people about me and others. Of course, it was wasted energy.
One, they never believed someone’s mother would ever do such a thing. Mostly because they have a healthy relationship with their own and project. I came off as an ungrateful child instead of a victim of narc abuse.
Two, in the case of siblings and close friends, they were still in a favored place with the abuser. They never saw the abuse outright or ignored it because they wanted to stay in a preferential place with the narc. Best to be the golden child than the scapegoat.
Three, I shouldn’t have to explain my side to people. If they side with her, it is only a matter of time before she perceives a slight and victimizes them too. It is not worth the time and energy to try to save people who don’t want to be saved; who refuse to listen.
I’ve lost several relatives to our narc mother’s smear campaigns and abuse. They weren’t worth trying to sway, though I certainly tried for a while. They didn’t want to hear it. Even with proof, I was still somehow the monster in the whole situation. Mostly, this is the product of years of a narcissist controlling the narrative through gaslighting and smears. In my case, our narc mother would tell us not to have certain conversations with one another or say, “I’ll talk to [insert friend or relative name here] about it.” This allowed her to plant seeds of doubt and misinformation. By the time anything came out, everyone would be so frustrated and confused, we’d end up taking the misunderstandings out on one another, instead of against the ringleader. Future victims can’t imagine she would ever do such a thing, until of course, she does it to them. I want to say “I told you so” but it isn’t necessary and I have better things to do with my time than to try to save people who otherwise treat me like shit (solely based on the lies she’s invented to keep them under her spell).