I believe you.
Thank you for sharing. Often times, when you try to explain to people you were abused by family members, they dismiss or discredit you. Socially, we’re groomed to think parents are loving and attentive and siblings rivalries are ultimately innocent growing pains. Uh, no. Many of us grow up in abusive, negligent households with complex and chaotic dynamics.
In my case, I grew up with a clinically narcissistic mother, an absent father (both negligent when they were around). We were often pit against one another and encouraged to hurt one another. My baby brother is her bouncer. He is the Golden Child prince, and mommy dearest enlists his services as a physical abuser. If you dare to say no or stand up for yourself, he is used to menace and threaten everyone. He too has taken on her gaslighting. He does her bidding without question. She liked to control the narrative with misinformation, gaslighting, and with smear campaigns. She used flying monkeys to further add to the abuse. Our mother also financially and emotionally used us; showed blatant favoritism; used our good natures against us, etc. We grew up in constant poverty, filth, miserable, and regardless of who knew, no one did anything. When we DID dare to stand up for ourselves, she made that person’s life a living hell. She’s done this to family and friends for years. People KNEW and did NOTHING.
When people try to victim-shame me for having nothing to do with her, I ‘politely’ but sternly explain, “My mother is NOT your mother. Your mother was likely emotionally healthy and didn’t abuse you. Stop projecting your idea of a mother onto mine. Also, I didn’t ask or deserve the abuse I was subjected to. Mine is morally-ill. She does not feel guilt, shame, empathy, or love. Instead of trying to make me feel bad and blaming me for the abuse, how about you listen and try to be more supportive. Had she been a stranger off the street who abused me, you’d be way more understanding.”