If you haven't already, you need to read Why We Can't Sleep by Ada Calhoun. When I read it, I was blown away by the similar feelings I was struggling with. The whole, 'having it all' and the pressure of having it all with the added labor of having not just kids still at home or in college but aging parents, jobs, our own health issues, stressors about $, etc. But we're not permitted the voice or right to complain about it because of our opportunity-filled lives.
Many of the key points you made here are covered in her book.
No one seems to get many of us (Gen Xer ladies) are working ourselves to death, spread thin, and barely getting any sleep. We're of the 'having it all' generation. We needed to be super-women, with perfect kids, perfect marriages, successful careers, educated, etc. all because we had all of these opportunities available to us. Coupled with the double-standards and judgment women face regardless of their life choices/decisions.
We're dealing with one too many things on our plate. Regardless of how pretty the plate might be, we're still allowed to feel depression, frustration, and stress. But we're somewhat ashamed to feel this way because other people do have worse problems.
I will admit, I am very lucky in many ways.
Regardless of how seemingly lovely my life is now though, it would surprise a lot of people who know me, I also grew up in abuse and abject poverty and worked hard for every little thing I have, including my well-being. And when I think about what I had to do to get to this point in my life, I feel a little less abashed about feeling exhausted, put out, and burnt out sometimes.
Don't censor yourself. Express it when you feel overwhelmed or hurt or worn out.
Thank you for sharing!