I’m sure, as a narcissist, that is still one of his biggest fears. They hate to be seen as anything other than the facade they put out there. On the outside, they can be charming and engaging. To their victims, it is an entirely different story. The moment anyone notices the inconsistencies or questions their stories and sees the real monster underneath, the narcissist will go out of their way to discredit the other person.
My mother is a particularly nasty breed of narcissist. The kind who used and abused her own children to build themselves up; ones she emotionally and financially abused; pitted them against one another with gaslighting and smear campaigns; who groomed one of her sons to be her bouncer and encouraged him to physically threaten anyone who didn’t conform to her way of doing things. Making her golden child her devout flying monkey. It is sad because he is completely aware of her abusive tactics, but in order to stay in her good graces, he continues to parrot her lies and never dares to question her ways.
She told people her father had sexually abused her throughout her childhood. Said the same thing about my father, suggesting he’d done things with my sister. Neither were true. She stopped working and faked an illness for decades and used it, along with her control over our (other) handicapped brother, to make sure her lifestyle was financially supplemented by friends and family. THAT is the kind of person she is.
She systematically discredited anyone and everyone; her ex-husband and his parents, my older sister, her own parents, and brother, several friends, etc. All mysteriously distanced themselves and she had terrible stories to tell about each of them. She even made a point to tell us not to talk to one another about certain conversations as a means of controlling the dialogue, assuring she could keep the gaslighting and misdirection doing.
I’m ashamed to admit I believed her stories for years. But children don’t want to think their mothers are manipulative liars. We just want to love and be loved. Instead, we were expected to normalize the dysfunction. I was gullible. Yet I knew in my gut things were wrong and eventually started to question them. Now I’m on that same shitlist. I stopped putting up with her games and bullshit. Like the rest of her victims, I just don’t care anymore. And while I have proof of her ugly scams and games, it isn’t my responsibility to get people to believe my side. It’s exhausting. I just don’t want to waste the energy on her anymore, trying to get her flying monkeys to believe she is actually the wicked witch. She’s not worth it. Besides, she’s only getting older and sicker and has fewer family and friends at her side as each year that passes. In time, she’ll be alone. And the only person she’ll have to blame is herself. But as a narcissist, she’ll never take responsibility for her actions. It’ll always be someone else’s fault.