I’ve been victim-shamed by this line before, by naively well-meaning people who are projecting their morally healthy parents and ideal childhoods onto the abusive, negligent one I endured; telling me I should forgive and forget, or told I must be exaggerating, confused, or overreacting. I was abused by my narcissistic mother; mostly financially and emotionally. She encouraged by Golden Child brother to be physically abusive (her most devout little flying monkey). And while I get she manipulated him too, it doesn’t excuse the horrible things he did without question or pause.
I lived with lots of gaslighting, smear campaigns, games, dysfunction, chaos, poverty, neglect. I tolerated this for decades, mostly because we are socially groomed to put up with a lot from family, and I had other siblings I was concerned for. Finally, I had enough and had to leave for my own well-being. Since going no contact, I get the occasional, “What did you do to deserve [x]?” Or I’m lectured by these same people who had loving mothers, “But that’s your mom, you should forgive her,” as though being my mother gave her a free pass to abuse her children and the onus is on me to put up with it instead of standing up for myself.
Thank you for sharing.