M-e-h. Overall, sure. But when I specifically went about researching a more permanent means of sterilization (back in my late 20's, because I didn't want to be on the pill forever, and I am child-free by choice) I was met with A LOT of hostility. Most people I know today who are child-free by choice are met with a lot of unwarranted hate for their life choice and get the same resistance from doctors.

I was trying to be a responsible adult and seeing what my options were. I went through several months and numerous doctors. This was with a job and good insurance coverage, and easy local access to medical care. I was and still am unmarried, I wasn't dating anyone at the time, I didn't have any kids of my own, had a college education, etc. Every single doctor demonstrated their own fresh brand of shame and were completely dismissive of my independent person-hood; the choices I was making for MY LIFE, not theirs.

They had some pretty antiquated ideas, insisting I needed to get on board with the social programming and telling me I needed to get married and get started on having a few kids I didn't want. Being unmarried and not wanting to be a mother was just wrong. I experienced an outright dismissal of my independent self from both men and women doctors.

Now, there is nothing wrong with people who want to be married and who want to have kids. It involves a lot of hard work and sacrifice and I applaud people who want to do that with THEIR lives. I'm not stopping you. But that isn't for everyone. And while my choice is different, it isn't any better or worse. But it would have been nice to be equally respected for my choices. I never once changed my mind and I'm in my 40's now. I have a SO I've been with for a few years and HE has kids from his previous marriage. They are college-aged. The kids and I have a good relationship, but I'm not their mom. They have a mother. I'm another loving caring supportive adult in their lives.

See, MY CHOICES are for MY LIFE, not yours. You live your life however you want. More power to you. But to have someone else tell me I have to adhere to this specific box of wife and mother are my only options and only value, it is going to upset me. I have the right to choose what is best for my life. I'm the one living it. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to why I don't want these things.

These doctors were hell-bent on insisting I should be married with kids and just stay on the pill until I changed my mind because we're always dismissed and told we will change our minds.

They were all more than happy to rob me of my copay too. You know, because they can't tell me over the phone when I'm making the appointment IF the doctor is going to project his/her own personal agenda onto me about my reproductive and marital choices. Not a one ever gave me a medical reason for refusing me, just their own opinion, which really pissed me off. I'm paying YOU to help me. If you are unwilling, don't take my copay and certainly don't pretend to be an ally. And don't talk down to me like I'm an idiot simply because I am non-traditional. Me being unmarried and not having kids isn't hurting anyone.

I had one female doctor scream at me, "But what if you FIND HIM ONE DAY?! And what if HE wants kids?!" Wow, lady. I don't want to have them. I'm trying to go about being a responsible adult and inhibiting something before it happens. Instead, I'm met with some uppity b* telling me I'm just chattel for my future prince charming to impregnate for his happiness, apparently, and nothing more. I had another one outright obfuscate medical and legal information in hopes I'd give up.

So, no. I don't trust doctors regardless of gender now that I've seen their true colors. They certainly are not authority figures. They are just people. If/when I have to see one, I do a significant amount of research first (if possible) so I know exactly what types of questions I need to ask and exactly what they can and can not do.

Written by

Technophobe Who Codes | UX Generalist | Freelance Writer | Egalitarian-Feminist | True-Crime/Forensics Enthusiast

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store