My mother is a covert narcissist. She gaslights; she paints herself out as a victim (even when she is the one who is the complete wrong); she constantly made (for me anyway) situations and messes I had to clean up. Essentially, she is a thief and a con artist who doesn’t feel guilty for her actions. She emotionally, financially, and psychologically abused all of her children. She pit each of us against one another to the point of physical violence, just because. We were never taught anything about safety, hygiene, self-importance, etc. It was always about her. She barely clothed or fed us. We were there as living wallets and not much else.
When I try to describe my childhood and young adulthood, I say I survived it. I did not have loving, caring, doting parents. No one made sure my path was a little easier in life. Instead, both of mine made sure it was harder than necessary. There are a million things she did that no mother should ever do to their children. She wasn’t mentally ill though. Narcissists are morally ill. They are not encumbered with guilt or empathy. But they know we are, and use our feelings of obligation and hope to their benefit.
She might have been my mother — but to those people who didn’t grow up in abuse — saying things like “but she’s still your mother …” Yeah, she is, which makes what she did to me and my siblings worse than had she been a stranger. Unless you’ve grown up with someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally who instead abused you for fun, I really can’t relate to your cavalier “forgive and forget” mentality. I’m not one to excuse an abuser’s behavior JUST because they are a parent.
So when you say I’m just waiting for her to leave, I totally get it.