My mother is an abusive narcissist (emotionally, financially, psychologically abused us, and promoted physical abuse between feuding siblings). Father abandoned us for his mistress so he could have a 'normal' family with her.
I'm blown away at the number of people who believe her lies, of how she was mother of the year, when all she did was promote the chaos, poverty, and misinformation in our home. Even with proof, she would deny and lie, all the time. Never apologized or took responsibility. And because she's a seemingly sweet old lady on the outside, people just adore her and treat me like I'm ungrateful and bitter. I tell them, "Whatever. She's not your mother. We weren't raised the same." Their mother was likely morally healthy and didn't treat them like maids and living wallets.
I too question the details of some stories people tell me, since I come from a completely different perspective than many others.
I was in a nursing class years ago. The instructor had worked for an old age home. She often told us stories about her work there. In one, she described in somber detail, how she watched in disgust as an older gentleman was dropped off at the curb one day by his adult children. "Those brats didn't even have enough compassion to show him to the door. They just sped off without a word."
My first thought, honestly, given my toxic childhood was, "Perhaps they had just enough compassion to ensure he made it there. We don't know if he was abusive to them growing up. We don't know what their relationship is/was." But she immediately judged the children and how they treated the father simply because he was elderly.
My narc mother wears the facade of an elderly sweet old lady and victim well. She's not one. But because of how society doesn't want to see mother's as abusive monsters, she often gets a pass and I get victim shamed for getting out of the situation for my own well-being and safety.
THANK YOU for sharing your experience. I think more and more of us should. Abusers and toxic people thrive on the silence and misinformation.