No need to feel embarrassed. I would have told anyone who asked the [religious] couple decided my lifestyle choice to not be religious was an affront to their marriage and HE decided I shouldn’t come and celebrate in their union.
It sounds really sad and controlling. Perhaps he wanted to make a point and make sure she excised you, her closest friend, from their life in hopes of having more control over her moving forward.
What about her family? I’m guessing if she hadn’t been super religious before, I assume her family wasn’t either. Was anyone else, relative-wise, uninvited as well? I would have thought they would have had more tolerance and patience for those who are not and invited you with open arms since you were the best friend.
When I married my now ex-husband, I did exclude a friend from the festivities because of her drug-addict, alcoholic, cheating, worthless boyfriend. She took him everywhere with her as her plus-1. The year before, we attended another mutual friend’s wedding and he made a spectacle. There were over 100 people, so there were plenty of people to contain the situation. Mine, however, was an intimate affair of 20 people and we were paying for it (not family). Between the costs, the very limited guest list, and her asshat of a partner, I had to exclude her from the event. She wasn’t understanding. Nor would she have adhered to my wish for him not to come. She let him walk all over her, so I knew he would be there with her on the big day regardless of what I wanted. If she had agreed to exclude him and honored it, it would have been fine. But I didn’t need a drunken, vulgar scene in front of my new in-laws. I knew she would have told him my initial concerns, tried to keep him from coming, he would manipulate her into bringing him, and being the jerk he is, he would have made sure to go out of his way to ruin the day.
So maybe I’m a hypocrite when I cry out for your injustice, but I feel his reasons for excluding you were bullshit in comparison. I doubt you would have made a scene or burst into flames the moment you appeared in the church’s entryway. I think it was short-sided and controlling of him to manipulate her into ‘uninviting’ you. Which, what is that anyway? They sent you an invite but she told you you “weren’t uninvited” just that it would be better if you weren’t there. Passive-aggressive doublespeak? Just outright tell me not to come and why. Don’t bother mailing the invite (which I wouldn’t have returned anyway), instead of awkwardly dancing around the conversation on the phone. He doesn’t want you there. Just own it. He is the one driving the car of the relationship and his needs appear to be her priority, regardless of what she wants.
I am really sorry this happened to you.