Ok. Having been raised around chaos and abuse, gaslighting, etc. myself, I’m going to say the thing most people wouldn’t — stop the visitation.
If he and his new wife are not going to respect your wishes, offer basic respect in sharing equal support in co-parenting, and are regularly stirring up drama and threatening you even when you simply speak your mind, you need to reconsider the health of this situation for your daughter. If her dad wants to reconcile and come up with an agreement, he can start out with supervised visitation. I would be sure you keep everything you’ve experienced so far in writing (the angry texts, gaslighting, any correspondence), their lack of telling you they got married and moved, etc…This will be handy in the event you have to involve lawyers.
I don’t mean to be extreme, but I’ve seen what a chaotic, inconsistent household is like and the toll it can take on children. There is no need for the drama they’ve created. I don’t get how he and his wife can be so entitled and argumentative — based on what you’ve shared here.
Best of luck