Same. I wasted so much time spanning the years, then months, leading up to leaving him questioning WHY my then-husband treated me like absolute sh*t? I was constantly put in a position where I was blamed for things that weren't my fault. He withheld affection to the point where it made me feel ugly and frumpy and unwanted. I'd literally done everything I could think of to 'make things better' and they only continued to get worse. I just couldn't understand WHY. On top of everything else, he too started ramping up his effort to financially abuse me and his parents, quitting job after good job for no real reason. He just didn't wanna work for 'the man' though it was fine for everyone else. But he thought he should be the boss. Else, he not work at all. That is not how life works, but try explaining it to a narcissist. Of course, he refused to listen or be responsible. Instead, he'd pout, lash out, anything to not be held accountable. He also went out of his way to discredit and ruin anything good I had going on. Any award or accomplishment I managed to grind out for myself, he diminished it.

It wasn't until I finally shifted my mindset and realized it was all him. I loved him, or rather who he was when I married him. Now he was the husk of that loving, smart, sexy man - some monster wearing my lover's face. It was like someone had done a body snatch and switched out my then-husband for some cruel a**hole who loved to play games, create drama, guilt-trip, refuse to take responsibility or get help, and who I ultimately left because I was not going to be part of his circle of enablers. I'd already had a brutally abusive, narc parent. I was NOT going to live the rest of my life married to one too.

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Technophobe Who Codes | UX Generalist | Freelance Writer | Egalitarian-Feminist | True-Crime/Forensics Enthusiast

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