So. Very. True.

I WISH I had this article back in my late teens and early 20s — back when I was disgustingly naive. Instead, I had to learn this lesson the hard way (a few times). But I do what I can to pass this knowledge along when I see one of the young ones falling into this trap of letting the guy lead the terms of the relationship even though he is putting in little to no effort. Actions speak louder than words. We (collectively) keep getting told by books, television, and other points of culture we can “change him.” Um, nope. Doesn’t work that way. As you said, he is a person too. He has his own wants and goals.

To your point: does he call and text outside of wanting you to come over to meet his needs on his timetable; does he make a point to make a plan; go out of his way to want to spend time with you during daylight hours, etc… In terms of getting engaged. If she wants to get married and he doesn’t, but she feels she needs to pressure him into it, she needs to break it off instead. You shouldn’t have to negotiate a proposal. Leave. Not a manipulation. Just saying, if she is looking for marriage and kids, he’s not the right guy. It isn’t what he wants. If he did, he would have asked. If he wants her after she’s gone, and it dawns on him he wants those things too, they can always reconcile. Otherwise, stop wasting each others time.

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Technophobe Who Codes | UX Generalist | Freelance Writer | Egalitarian-Feminist | True-Crime/Forensics Enthusiast

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