That was my narc mother's special brand of abuse, for sure. Things were always avoidably chaotic. Meaning she would create messes one of us would have to step up and clean up. Because she sure AF didn't do it or take responsibility for it.

Took me years to get, too, that abuse and neglect don't have to come with physical bruises. I'd always known things were 'wrong' in our household. It just took me a long time to see it was the narcissistic dynamics with our mother as the manipulative ringleader made it so toxic.

Nothing we did was ever good enough. No matter how hardworking or 'good' you were, she increasingly would treat her own children like garbage (her daughters mostly, not her God-like, brainwashed sons). She raised us to essentially be living wallets. To her, people are tools, there to be used. Family, friends, co-workers, etc.

Often she would foist an inordinately expensive and difficult responsibility onto one of us, like being responsible for the needs of an entire household while still being a teenager (parentification); or the costly maintenance on a house she neglected; paying for expensive bills (hundreds in cable or phone) and groceries, but refusing to allow any budgeting or removal of services to save money. Yet this was the same woman, who, when we were growing up regularly neglected us, her home, and her bills; forced us to suffer in poverty and filth.

Once we started to make any sort of money, she sponged it up; created situations where we needed to pay for something. It was her way of ensuring we couldn't afford to 'get away.' Then, she started faking an illness so she could con us and others to supplement her lifestyle. She spent most days lounging on her bed, watching television, stuffing her face with food we bought and made, and reading. Whereas, everyone else in the house worked or cleaned, etc.

If we tried to be remotely independent or say 'no' to something or noted the unfair disparity of treatment (like how she'd tried to juice me for as much money as she could but would leave my golden child brother to spend his however he wanted) we were discredited, dismissed, scapegoated and shunned.

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Technophobe Who Codes | UX Generalist | Freelance Writer | Egalitarian-Feminist | True-Crime/Forensics Enthusiast

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