That’s unfortunate. Women have been groomed to value ourselves by our appearance and not our substance. It took me a long time to overcome that programming. And the moment another woman possessed something we physically wish we had (bigger boobs, smaller waist, long flowing locks) we can become catty and shameful. I’m generalizing of course, but I’ve had it happen. When I was younger, I would have a friend’s boyfriend show me interest — and even when I would rebuff the guy the friend was not upset with the boyfriend, she’d be upset with me as though simply existing had been my sin. Wow. I wasn’t interested in the guy, told him as much, respected her and was still a slut because he was interested in me.

On another occasion, I had a friend who started spending all of her time with her new boyfriend. We were in high school and it was frustrating that he was always around. After about 6 months of having literally no alone time with her, I stopped making an effort to hang out. For a while I tried to explain to her that it would be nice to have girl-time, sans the boyfriend. She took my distancing and frustration and translated that to, “You are in love with him aren’t you?” … “What? Um, no. That’s not the issue at all. I just want some one on one time with you because you’ve spent 6 months with him latched to your side.”

Ultimately, we stopped being friends because she never got over her unfounded suspicion that I wanted her man.

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Technophobe Who Codes | UX Generalist | Freelance Writer | Egalitarian-Feminist | True-Crime/Forensics Enthusiast

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