Well, if the environment is chaotic — if they show preferential treatment to the other kids (such as giving away her shoes…weird), and your ex can’t even be adult enough to mention he’s gotten married or moved, and has new roommates — strangers your child is spending time around — perhaps you should reassess the terms of visitation.
If you don’t have anything official in writing, I think getting something in writing would be a good idea. And I mean like throw some cash at it and sit down with a lawyer and draft something. So if the time comes to inhibit visitation on the basis that you are protecting your daughter, he doesn’t have much room to argue because he knew what was expected of him. There needs to be an agreement in place — you know, so his new wife doesn’t feel the need to fight his battles for him when you have terms in writing. I don’t know how else to word this without sounding old school, but he needs to man-up and fight his own battles when it comes to discussing co-parenting with HIS ex. His current wife shouldn’t be. That is tacky and on a high school scale of drama.
As stupid as it sounds, you might actually have to spell it out and say “you have to let me know if you gee, get married or move.” Also, if he isn’t providing support, you could always insist he start. Especially if they’re going to take her shoes and give them to another child to wear (seriously, what is that about).