You should include that we (at least) I have a certain “social threshold” where once I’m done, I am DONE and am totally ready to go. I will shut down and the room will drop 40 degrees … done.

My significant other likes to attend various business related functions, which can go on upwards of 3 days. For three days, I will be an absolute social butterfly; delightful, witty, engaged etc. These events often require a constant need to socialize with strangers for hours at a time, being relatively polite to people even if they are unkind; weird sleep and meal schedules, etc. I’m not free to do my own thing because I’m there to support and talk up his business ventures. Throw in having to haul anything excessive and heavy, driving in areas I’m completely unfamiliar with or being made to deal with people who are needlessly rude to me, and anything that cuts down on my ability to get adequate sleep and those precious days of pleasant girlfriend grind down to nothing fast. I get quieter and more frosty when I don’t want to be somewhere or no longer have the social threshold to pretend I’m enjoying myself. I’m not trying to be selfish or mean, I simply do not have the fuel anymore to engage and entertain another person because I’ve had no time to myself to really regroup. And hanging out with my boyfriend in the hotel room, does not count. I’m talking my own time in my own head where I don’t have to chat or entertain or do anything else but what I want to do for a little while, even if that is a nap.

Being social does not give me a boost like it does for extroverts. Instead, it is exhausting (at least some of the time). I do my best to suck it up for as long as I can and go for him because I know my partner needs the support. By the time we’re leaving the hotel to head home though, all bets are off and I’m already scouting out “good” coffee, something to read, and or a nap (e.g. I want to be left alone and don’t want to chit chat the 3 hour drive home because I did your thing and NOW it is my turn to finally have my own time in my own head).

I do agree though, it is nice when the extrovert wants to do most of the talking and I get to just listen and respond in kind with what little I know about whatever topic they’ve drummed up. But if I’m expected to eek out a conversation out of nothing, we’re screwed — mostly because I’m a boring introvert who likes to read, write, and knit and I work using statistics and averaging sale numbers for a living. Not the most exciting of topics.

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