be they invite you…the narcissist wants them to outright abuse you or to make you feel like you don’t belong. Or maybe they invite you to a place where they know something horrible is gonna happen for you and you’re not going to be comfortable there, those sorts of things.
Yup. Got invited to my brother’s wedding. I kept telling my partner I shouldn’t go. That something was going to happen. But I went anyway because I was still in a stage of wanting to have a relationship with my siblings; regardless of the crumbling relationship, I had with my manipulative, narcissistic mother. Everything seemed fine. But it was a mistake to go.
Months after, I found out our mother had invented some lie about me having an embarrassing meltdown at the reception. While it never happened, and I have facts on my side, she made it just believable enough and engaged enough of her flying monkeys (brothers and her friends) who parrotted this bit of gossip in her smear campaign, that by the time it had gotten around to me I was flabbergasted. And not in any position to argue it because she had discredited me to everyone. Narcissists do this to their victims often because the victim knows exactly what the abuser is. And narcissists can’t have people knowing what they really are.
At one point or another, our mother made each of us her unwitting FMs — though I will say my youngest brother (her golden child) is the worst because he also acted as her physical muscle. He knew right from wrong and was still unnecessarily violent at times, even when others were in the right. He never once questioned that our mother might have been manipulating the situation, even when presented with the facts. Instead, I was easily branded as the monster and our poor, pitiful mother was the victim (always, no questions asked).
This is one of a million situations I was put in over the last 20+ years. Always the bad guy, no matter how good I was. And my youngest brother was especially nasty, even though I had gone out of my way to help him over the years with a place to live, cars, loans. He grew up to be an ungrateful brat and her most devout little monkey.
It wasn’t until after I cut them from my life that I discovered what she actually was. I just thought she was a sick, abusive, negligent monster who played a lot of head games. Now I know she’s a textbook narcissist (aka a wicked witch) and my brothers are her flying monkeys. Very fitting terms.