… are reversed depending on what the narcissistic parent needs to meet their agenda (McBride, 2011). Scapegoated rebel children are often truth-seekers who desire an authentic connection with their family members, but fail to remain silent about the abuse that occurs when they do not meet the absurd expectations of their parents. The golden child, on the other hand, is usually lauded as the ‘standard,’ but this too can quickly …
Yup. Over time, I became the scapegoat. This was after I spent years suffering as the surrogate parent (the one stuck with the inordinate amount of responsibilities — mine and theirs). And nothing was ever enough for her. She bled me dry, financially, every chance she got. Yet she was the lazy slob who refused to work, even though she was able. I started questioning the inconsistencies in her stories; asking questions about her supposed diagnosis, about her doctors (who oddly, none of us had met personally). When I noticed a disparity or exaggeration, I voiced it. In doing so, she made sure my life was a living hell. Eventually, I broke the trauma cycle and got out.
My baby brother has been her golden child. Their relationship is emotionally inappropriate. He is her bouncer. He is her most devout flying monkey. What she says, he does, no questions asked. And she lavishes him with her motherly love-bombing. Any extra money we had, it needed to go to him. If he needed a car, we were ordered to hand him down one of ours so her precious baby didn’t have to suffer the indignity of a car payment. If ever I dared demonstrate irrefutable proof of her wrongdoing, I was met with threats, have my words twisted, and discrediting statements from him. He enjoyed meeting the people in my life and saying things like, “We’re not as bad as she says we are…” charismatically laughing it off as though to dismiss any of the abuse I might have confided in said friend or partner. As to imply I must be exaggerating, or crazy, or remembering it wrong, or I must have taken their supposed joke the wrong way….This was his way of covering their ass and further adding to the abuse concealment. What happens in the family stays in the family was a common mantra.